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How to Forgive Yourself for Who You Were in Survival Mode





In life's tumultuous ocean, we occasionally traverse through storms that push us into survival mode. During such times, our actions and decisions are powered by an instinct to survive rather than to thrive. The aftermath of this period can leave us feeling guilty or ashamed of the person we became. If you're feeling this way, remember that self-forgiveness is a cornerstone of healing and personal growth.






This blog post is crafted for those of you who are on a journey towards self-improvement and mental wellness. It's about understanding and forgiving ourselves for who we had to be when life gave us little choice.


Understanding Survival Mode

Survival mode is a state where your body and mind focus solely on survival. It's not about moral high grounds or the ideal self; it's about getting through each day. When you're back on stable ground, it's natural to look back and question your actions or demeanor during that fraught time. But it's crucial to recognize that you were operating under extreme circumstances.


Practices for Self-Forgiveness




Acknowledge the Past

The first step towards self-forgiveness is acknowledgment. Accept that you were in a challenging situation and that survival mode was a natural response to those challenges. Recognize that you did the best you could at the moment.


Reflect on how survival mode manifested for you. Was it putting up walls? Prioritizing your needs above others'? Retreating from relationships? Journaling can help in this reflective process.


Learn from the Experience

Every segment of our life, especially the difficult ones, has valuable lessons. Was there a strength you discovered in yourself? Did you identify boundaries you need to maintain? Understanding what you’ve gained from your experience can transform regret into gratitude.


Seek out personal development books or talks to gain insights into growth and resilience. Sharing your experiences with a trusted friend or therapist can also yield supportive feedback and a different perspective.


Compassion is Key

Extend the same compassion you would offer to a friend to yourself. Talk to yourself with kindness and avoid harsh self-critiques. Remember that self-compassion is not self-pity; it's about being a nurturing presence to your own self.



Meditation and mindfulness can be effective tools in developing self-compassion. Practicing loving-kindness meditation is one way to cultivate a loving, forgiving stance towards oneself.




Create a Ritual of Release

Sometimes, we need a symbolic gesture to mark the transition from holding guilt to releasing it. This can be a ceremony where you write down your negative feelings and burn the paper, or perhaps a quiet moment of declaration in a meaningful place.


Discover what resonates with you—perhaps a physical activity like a long walk or an act of self-care that signifies a new beginning.


Make Amends if Necessary

If your actions in survival mode impacted others negatively, consider making amends. This is a proactive step only if it is healthy and appropriate to do so. Making amends must come from a place of sincerity, and not solely for your absolution.


A heartfelt apology, where you acknowledge the pain caused, can pave the way for forgiveness—both from the other person and yourself.


Move Forward with Intent

Finally, forgive yourself with the intention of moving forward. Set constructive goals and bear in mind the insights gained. Who do you wish to be now? Chart your path with positive actions that align with your values.


Begin with small steps, and don't rush your process. Forgiveness is a journey, not a race.


Forgiving yourself for your past survival mode is liberating. It allows you to step into a future unencumbered by guilt and full of potential. Remember that survival mode taught you resilience, and now it’s time to develop from those seeds of strength. Embrace this opportunity for renewal and keep moving towards growth and understanding. You are not defined by what you did to survive but by what you do to thrive.


Take heart, self-improvement seekers and mental health advocates—the path of forgiveness leads to a place of greater self-awareness and peace.




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